Loving A Lie
by LarkroseLukos
Summary: Ever since Marlene admitted her feelings to Skipper, the two haven't talked. Marlene starts dating Kowalski to get his attention, but her plan backfires, and soon the tall penguin is going around thinking they're in love. Marski/Skilene
1. A Microwave Wins Me A Date

Disclaimer: I do not own PoM or the characters. Not even as a pet. If Inventor's Digest exists, I do not own it.

Rating: This lingers somewhere between K+ and T. If you can watch iCarly, you can read this.

***

"Darn microwave!" groaned Marlene, stuffing the screwdriver in it. The microwave was now smoking like a fire. "Well, better take it to the penguins."

She tucked the microwave under one paw and walked out. The summer sun glinted perfectly in the bright blue sky. Her green eyes seemed to shimmer with an inner light. She slipped on her sunhat.

_I bet Skipper wouldn't notice how beautiful I look. _she thought. _He barely acts like I exist._

Ever since last month when she admitted her feelings to Skipper, the two hadn't talked.

"Well, Kowalski, can you fix it?" asked Marlene, paws clicking together nervously.

"I could undo a few wires and make it into some sort of ray." muttered the tall penguin, fiddling with it.

"Can you fix it? I mean, like make it cook stuff?"

"Oh, of course. Might take a couple days…" Kowalski said, trailing off into his thoughts.

Marlene glanced at Skipper. Was it just her, or did he look at her when she talked to Kowalski? She decided to try a little experiment.

She ran over to Rico.

"Hey," she said. "Do you know how to fix my microwave?"

"Huh?" grunted Rico.

She glanced at Skipper. Skipper wasn't watching her.

She went back to Kowalski. "That sounds great."

Skipper looked at her again.

_If talking to Kowalski gets him too notice me… Imagine if I dated Kowalski! Then when Skipper likes me, I'll tell Kowalski and go and date Skipper._

"Hey, Kowalski, wanna go on a date tonight?" she asked plain out of the blue.

"What?" exclaimed the tall penguin. "Well, I hardly think-"

"Then it's a date! Come to my house at eight." She shook his flipper and ran out of the habitat.

"Okay…" said Kowalski.

"And she ruined a perfectly good conversation about a microwave." Kowalski finished telling Skipper.

"Well, today's Friday, so there's no training. I guess you can go." the lead penguin agreed, his eyes slightly narrowed. "But be careful. The mind of a female is powerful. They can make you do anything. Do not fall for the-"

Kowalski had already gone.

"Why do I even bother…" muttered Skipper.

Marlene heard a knock at her door. Knowing who it was, she walked to it and opened it.

Kowalski was standing there, wearing a blue bowtie and holding a wilted dandelion.

"Hello, little girl. Is your mother home? There's a 79 percent chance she is."

"Your so sweet, Walksi. Come on in." Marlene cracked a smile.

Marlene had set up a little picnic table in her backyard, making sure it was in view of Skipper's periscope. She imagined him looking through and had to sigh. He'd be hers soon.

"And that's why I'm strategist. Of course, it took them about a day too untangle that walrus."

"Interesting." Marlene lied. Kowalski was boring her out of her mind.

He looked at her with his cocked, as if expecting something.

"Um… what do mammals do on dates?" he asked.

"Well, what do birds do?" Marlene asked.

"Um… we don't date. We mate."

"Oh. Well, humans do this thing called kissing…" Marlene said awkwardly.

"Is that like preening?" Kowalski asked.

"Here… I'll show you." Marlene leaned forward. Her penguin date looked confused. She pulled his face forward and their mouths met. When she pulled away, Kowalski's face took on a goofy look.

"I can see why humans like it." he sighed.

They ate in silence for a while, Kowalski chomping on his fish. Finally, it was time to go.

_Thank God. _thought Marlene.

She followed him to the penguin habitat.

"So… there's a 92 percent chance I'll see you tomorrow." Kowalski said.

"Yeah, I guess. Uh, bye." Marlene said awkwardly.

"Wait," she heard Kowalski's voice again and turned around. "Could we do that again? The keesing?"

"Okay." The two kissed, this time longer. They were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Um, K'walski? Why are you chewing on Marlene's face?"

Kowalski looked up to see Private. Marlene saw his cheeks turn a light pink.

"Uh… It's a science experiment."

"Oh." Private said, twiddling his feet awkwardly.

"Well, I'm going now." Marlene walked out. Had Skipper watched their date? She wished so.

When Kowalski got into the penguin HQ, Skipper was drinking some fish coffee and sorting weapons, while Rico was snoring in the corner. Kowalski hadn't noticed it when he was at Marlene's, but King Julien's music was blaring. Oh well.

He sat down at his usual work area, deciding to work on Marlene's microwave. Skipper didn't even notice he'd came in. That didn't bother Kowalski. Nothing bothered him tonight.

He tinkered with the microwave, unscrewing some stuff here and there. He replaced the heater with one of his own, hoping that would solve the problem.

Around midnight he got tired and fell asleep at his workbench, head on the table.

"Kowalski! On your feet, soldier!" barked Skipper.

"Huh?" Kowalski looked up. He leaped to his feet clumsily and raised his flipper in a salute.

"Come on, K'walski. We're doing training." Private said.

"Okay." Kowalski got up and walked out into the outside. He couldn't help looking over at Marlene's habitat. She was probably asleep.

_Marlene+Kowalski+Dating+Inventor's Digest=Happy Kowalski_

_***_

Okay, that's it. See what happens in Chapter Two!


	2. I Break Two Hearts With One Stone

Marlene and Kowalski had been dating for two months now. Marlene had been watching Skipper and decided it was time to talk to him again.

"Hello, Skipper." she said to the leader penguin, climbing over the penguin's fence.

"Looking for Kowalski?" he asked, rolling his eyes and taking a sip of his fish coffee.

"No. Actually, I was looking for you. We're best buds, right?" she put an arm around his shoulder.

"Marlene, please."

"Skipper, I need to talk to you." The otter glanced around the area. "I've only been dating Kowalski to get your attention. I just wanted us too be friends again- maybe even more."

Skipper raised an eyebrow. "You can't lie your way into a relationship. Although your complex plan was quite flattering, lying goes against the penguin code. Have you told Kowalski?"

"No." Marlene admitted.

"Well, you're going to have to. What happens if proposes to you or something?"

Marlene imagined herself married to Kowalski and had to laugh.

"Maybe I'll tell him at our date tonight."

When Marlene opened the door, Kowalski was there, twiddling two daisies between his flippers.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Marlene interrupted.

"Kowalski, we have to end this relationship."

"Why?" he looked surprised.

"I've only been dating you too get Skipper's attention. I never liked you. We can still be friends, but nothing more."

Kowalski didn't look angry at all. He dropped the daisies on the floor.

"I'm sorry I've been such a fool." he said in a voice that Marlene would expect from Rico, or some other tough penguin. But not Kowalski.

He threw something else on the floor, something small. "I was saving that for someone special," he said, voice cracking. "But you'll need it for Skipper."

He trudged off, then broke into a run.

Marlene picked up the object. She gasped as she realized what it was. It was a ring.

There's the second chapter! Kinda short, but I like it. What will happen next? Will Skipper and Marlene date? Will Kowalski take revenge? And where is Doris while this is happening? Find out in Chapter Three!


	3. I Get Skipper And Ninja Moves

Private awoke to hear the sound of light sobbing. He climbed the ladder and saw Kowalski sitting on the edge of the pool, head in his flippers.

"Why are you crying, K'walski?"

Kowalski looked up. "I'm not crying. I-I just happen to have salt-based liquid running from my eyes."

Private sat down next to his friend. "What happened?"

Kowalski sighed. "Marlene dumped me."

"Dumped?"

"It's when someone doesn't love you anymore. 'Course, she never l-loved me in the first place, so it doesn't matter."

Private didn't understand any of this, but he patted Kowalski on the back.

"You still have Doris, right?"

"Yeah. I guess. Maybe I just shouldn't bother. I'm meant to be alone for the rest of my life."

"You'll never be alone. We'll always be here."

"That's not what a meant. You'll probably die last, but I'm guessing Rico will die first in some sort of explosion… I dunno."

_I dunno? Kowalski always knows!_ Private thought. He was worried about his teammate.

"You should get some sleep." he said, trying to be optimistic. "The world always look bright and sunshiney when I've had a good nights sleep."

"I guess your right. I'll sleep out here."

"Why?"

"I don't feel like talking to Skipper right now."

Marlene paced around her home, the ring in her hands. Kowalski loved her but she didn't love him, and she loved Skipper but Skipper didn't love her. She finally decided she'd ask Skipper out. But she felt sorry for Kowalski.

_Do I really not love Kowalski? _she thought. _Yes. I love Skipper. _

"Kowalski never returned my microwave." she said out loud.

Yeah. Everything was going to work out.

The next day, Skipper and Rico did separate training.

"Come on Rico. That's not a bowling ball, it's an evil ninja."

Rico coughed up a chainsaw happily and cut it up.

"Well done, man! Private, you're up!"

The small penguin waddled forward. "You know I'm not good at this, right?" he asked.

"That's exactly why training covers this area. Kowalski! Surprise options quiz!" Skipper waited. He tapped his foot. "Where's Kowalski?"

"He's working on something up there." answered Private.

"Rico, go get him. Anyway, Private…"

"Huh?" said Rico.

"It's a… well, I don't know, but it used to be a microwave… and a gamma ray."

Rico rolled his eyes and tugged on Kowalski's flipper.

"Training!" he squawked.

"Marlene loved to watch us train." sniffed Kowalski.

Rico sighed and walked away. Kowalski followed.

"Kowalski, get your mind back on training!" Skipper barked.

"What? Oh, sure." Kowalski sighed.

"Kowalski, options!"

"Huh? Oh, umm…"

Later that day…

"You need to get your mind back on the missions!"

"I can't stop thinking about Marlene!"

"Well, what can I do too make you concentrate?" Skipper was beginning to lose his patience.

"Go on a date with Marlene." said Kowalski calmly.

"Su- what?"

"Go on a date with her. I can't stand the thought of her being alone. She wanted you all along."

"Fine. One date. Then you better pay attention!"

Kowalski saluted. "Sir yes sir!"

There's the third chapter. Hope you like it, I sure do. Next chapter coming soon.


	4. The Actual Date

"You look beautiful tonight, Marlene." Skipper said.

"Thanks." Marlene blushed.

"He walked into her house." reported Private.

Rico nodded.

"He actually went though with it." Kowalski said, surprised.

"Word!" grunted Rico.

"Rico's right. Skipper is a man of his word."

Marlene and Skipper sat there in silence.

"When does a date end?" asked Skipper.

"Usually three hours since the date started."

"Oh. Wanna… play a board game?" suggested Skipper.

"We're on a date, so we need to act like we're on one."

"Kowalski tells me you have a wonderful kiss."

"There's some truth there."

"How about you show me that killer kiss and I show you some ninja moves?"

"Deal."

Skipper came home.

"Well?" said Kowalski.

"What?"

"How did it go?"

"It went okay."

"Good."

"Kowalski! Options!"

Kowalski got out his notepad. "We could use Private's first prize fish as a vessel to contain and hide our weapons. That would clear up some space around the area and then Rico wouldn't have to regurgitate as much."

Skipper gave him a high five. "That's my Kowalski!"

Kowalski smiled.


	5. Are You Smarter Then A Kowalski?

About a week later, Skipper came home from a date with Marlene, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed. He went straight to sleep.

Later that night Kowalski worked on Marlene's microwave, changing it back to its original form.

When he was done tinkering with it he tucked it under his arm and waddled over to Marlene's.

But she wasn't in her house. That's when Kowalski realized that she was on the roof. He climbed up next to her and sat down. Marlene looked up. There were tear stains on her face, but she wasn't crying.

"Hi." she said.

"I brought your microwave." he handed it to her.

"Skipper… broke up with me." she sighed.

"Why?"

"I don't know! Can we… talk about something else?" asked Marlene.

"Okay."

Marlene sighed and wrapped her arms around Kowalski's neck, her head resting on his thin shoulder.

"Um, Marlene?"

"Yeah?"

"I have question to ask you. There's this guy, he's an inventor, but he's not a penguin- he's an… otter! Yes, he's not a penguin. Definitely an otter. And there's this girl otter- her name isn't Marlene- and she just broke up with her boyfriend. And she has her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder and-"

Marlene closed his beak. "I think this will answer it." She pulled his head forward and they shared a kiss.

_Hmm… _thought Kowalski. _Doris watches me more when I'm with Marlene._

_***_

Yay! Ending! That's my first fanfic. I don't think I'll make a sequel, but I might start on another story or the story in my head "Kowalski Come Home" but I don't know. But keep tuned for more stories.


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